We would have almost two full days to fool around.I asked, “Are you sure about this?”Amanda replied, “Sure I’m sure.”I said, “But you are ...nly thirteen.”She said, “Yes, and I’m one of only three virgins left in my class.”I knew what she was saying because at fifteen I was probably the only virgin left in my class. Of course I figured that most of the boys were lying about it.So I asked, “Can I really make love to you?”Amanda laughed and said, “Listen big brother, you can have sex with me and. I was the one that was pushing it all the time." Billy, Billy... I'm not sorting out who did what. And I'm not attempting to apportion blame. It's not a blame thing... at least as far as I understand it. But I need to know more. That's why we're talking."I glanced at her. She gave me a soft smile and squeezed my forearm. I still didn't know what to say so I did what I did best. I just sat there like a lump."Son, I always knew I'd have these personal talks, these talks about sexuality with Jean. Good, we hadn’t lost any. We had Lion and Sunshine with us and two captured ships.There were several other groups of ships rafted together. Eagle 2 was easy to identify, it was the only brig without sideboards. It had a ship alongside it, and another one beyond that, but that second one looked more like one of our transports than another pirate ship. There were two other brigs with a ship on either side. They looked like Vengeance and Cleaver, our two ships from Widemouth, and there was one. Periods of overcompensation. Self-medicating with drugs and spiraling out of control with an abusive partner. Abuse has permeated my life. I ask myself why I stayed. I can tell you. I didn’t think I could handle being alone. I loved the house. I loved him. By the end, he had topped yet another level of cruelty. I still hung on. I washed down the counter-top. There were divots. I did the best I could to smooth, even sanded with a fine grain but the evidence was clear. If he had ever gotten up.
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